Executive Ball and Chain
October 30th, 2008I’m so incredibly disappointed with the way things have gone at my first company.
I was so inspired and thankful when its founder asked me to come on board nearly 4.5 years ago now. I was really struggling in Los Angeles at the time, couch surfing at the old Do LaB loft downtown on Olympic boulevard for the summer while hunting for work and a new home.
As luck would have it my friend had just started this internet fabric store and quickly found need of another set of hands to keep up with its pace of orders. I quickly assumed greater and greater responsibility and then became partner, operating as chief operating officer for a year or so. After the company had made several moves and substantial growth, I assumed greater responsibility as chief executive officer. And while serving as CEO was great for a time, it didn’t last long, nor did its respectable income.
After a year and a half, my pay had grown outdated as we had securely transitioned out of startup mode to focusing on our core competencies in a stage dubbed “Operation Cruise Control”, so had my daily tasks. Since this was my first startup and business, it took some major effort to switch gears personally, especially since we still had (and still do) have so much potential for growth. But my stake in the company was too limiting to say otherwise and so stricken of my joy of growing the company, my best pay ever and more, I tried to fit in and do as told, but having worked nearly independent for almost a years time and as a CEO (incidentally, a role I thought prematurely assigned) with a decent startup salary (from what I knew of those things then), it really grated on my nerves and natural instincts.
Not only that, but around this time we had brought in a third partner, who assumed my role as operating officer; so now there were three trying to man the helm. This proved to be both a blessing and a curse. In some ways I needed a 2nd mate to bounce things off of, since the founder had made it clear from even earlier on that he would be very much removed from daily operations (oversight was something that’s always lacked there). But in others, it could often be counter-productive.
So about eight months into this, I decided I’d had enough of the daily grind and moved to Santa Cruz to try and start up another company with another friend. In some ways it was a great relief from what had been and an exciting time to look forward at what could be, but alas, this venture wasn’t meant to be with this friend. After six months of trying to mesh our strengths and weaknesses and even less pay (zero from the new startup), I decided to bag it and head back to LA to clear my palette and figure out what was next.
I knew one of the biggest obstacles for me was never having completed college, so I enrolled full-time at SMC to try and get past my inexperience in programming to pursue my own Internet startups. I lasted one semester before getting pulled into someone else’s startup, again. This time, it was a full-on return as a lead production artist with The Do LaB guys. I worked my ass off for the majority of 2008 with them, traveling from gig to gig and country to country, crafting my event production skills further but still yearning for my own true baby of a startup.
And throughout these recent years of exploration and development, I’ve continued my role as CEO at DF to varying degrees, but never again with the sense of purpose and power I had previously. Far from power hungry am I, moreover is the desire for the freedom and responsibility that this role entails. And since now it’s only really in name that I serve as such with this first company, I find myself despairing again over the lack of quality, dedication, accountability, responsibility, and commitment that this company represents.
It’s really quite embarrassing and depressing to have my name attached to it but I have no choice until one of my own startups or my next round of schooling provides a financial out.
I’m overly hopeful but not disillusioned at my chances of success, but I’m going to keep trying, again and again and as long as it takes until I’ve found my freedom to exit (or buy-out everyone else and do as I please
).

