A Dull Pallet And A Life of Meaning
February 29th, 2008This flu season has been a really intense one for many, many people.
I came down with it the day after Lucent L’amour, during breakdown I started to feel a tickle in the back of my throat, other than that I thought nothing of it. The next day I could barely get out of bed and so it was for the next 7 days: super weak, feverish, swollen glands, phlegm, horrible cough, etc.
The 8th day I still had a pretty awful cough (and still do) and a really weird disorientation that’s still with me. It comes up multiple times throughout the day, especially when I try and deal with any work related tasks.
What I realized while sick is just how complicated my life has become. I think now, my body/self is revolting against me with just about anything I have going. It’s like how when you’re sick and you lose your taste for everything, only I’ve lost taste for nearly everything in my life; it’s quite disconcerting really.
All I want to do now is simplify.
I think about moving back to my hometown, where life is much simpler and rural. I’m so done and over this whole city living thing. I think about old friends and all my family. I think about there being more Nature then artificiality. And, I think about returning to my roots in outdoor adventures, with Rivertribe.
I’ve just become really discouraged about making all this a reality now that the sale of my fabric company has fallen through and I’m stuck with attorney fees and other liabilities. I was so ready to move on from that company and had so much lined up with the cash I would have walked away with. Owning your own company has its fair share of pros and cons.
Sometimes I just want to quit at playing boss and go work for someone else again. The only problem there is that I don’t think I’d remember how to humble myself to be told what to do and when to do it.
I’m really hopeful that my thirties will bring a whole new wave of change and that my outlook on life improves with age.